jens awake

Today we went and saw Jen. She is awake and irritated. She told mom to leave her the f*** alone lol. She has her hands tied down because she wants the tube in her nose out, and has tried to pull it out! She is fighting the restraints non stop. When we went in to see her john was holding her hand. She was squeezing it. He asked her how she liked the view since her room has an awesome view. She was saying something over and over. It took me a couple seconds but she was saying it freakin hurts. So john asked her it freakin hurts? And she said yes. Because of the trach she can't actually talk. She just mouths us words. John was telling her that talan loves her. And asked if she loved talan, and she said yes. The nurse was giving her some valume to calm down. We told her he was giving her valume to help her, and she told us she didn't want him to give her valume or to touch her and that she wanted to go home. So she is really irritated. We asked her if she wanted visitors. She looked at us like we were absolutely crazy and said no! The nurse said she has been fighting them all day. This might sound completely crazy, but I am relieved. I don't like she is stressed and scared but I am glad she is awake and responsive. I wish she would relax a little but sometimes we can't have everything we want. She kept saying she wants to leave, she wants to go home. She looks at her door a lot. She looks to see who is coming in. The trash people came in and she thought he was a nurse. Her eyes got big. She looks at her left hand a lot. I thinks she is just trying to comPrehend what happened, and what's going on. Her hand is bandaged though. Thank god because I think if she woke up seeing it she would be really stressed. It is looking better and better. She had her right leg out of bed and mom told her to loosen her leg so she could put it back up there and Jen said no. Lol I honestly believe if she was not restrained she would get up, pull those tubes out, and try to leave. My heart breaks for her because I know she just wants to go home. She wants to hug mom so bad. She has made a huge step forward since a week ago. But they also haven't done as much surgery and they have cut her meds way down! I always knew this part was going to be tough. We all just have to be there for her as much as we can wether she let's us or not. Everyone just send her an e greeting. Maybe kind, inspiring words of hope will help her get through this. Her room number is different now. J834 I will write another blog tomorrow after I see her. I hope she is more relaxed. She if fighting hard. It might be against the hospital staff but she's fighting hard lol