Last night I came across a journal that my family kept while I was in a coma. And I couldn't help but sob. The pain in my mom's words as she wrote to me as if she were talking to me. She showed no loss of faith and repeatedly asked me to keep fighting and to be strong, because she needed me to. If I would just stay strong so would she. It inspired me to start reading some of the emails that friends, family and strangers wrote me from around the same time as the journal. I started off with tears fresh in my eyes from reading the pain stricken thoughts of my family, and it just flooded from there! It was hard enough to read thoughts of someone who never doubted my survival ( MY MOM), but to read the words of so many friends and loved ones who were unsure of how the situation would turn out. I'm not really sure what it actually was that triggered a huge awakening in me: I was reading letters from friends trying to say goodbye. Talk about a rude awakening...I mean I always had some kind of clue that I was sick and not doing well but actually being so ill kept me from being coherent of the situation I had been in. But right now I am at a point in my recovery ( a very infant point) where I am aware  of things that I hadn't been for the last two and a half years. Needless to say I am still very overwhelmed by this epiphany but I want to use it for my benefit. I want to reach out to all of you who reached out to me during the most painful and turbulent time in my life...it's a great depiction of  you (my friends) and your ability to step up during a horrific time. I cannot express how truly grateful I am to have had the support that y'all have showered me with. I am remorseful from the bottom of my heart that it has taken so long to get me to reach out to y'all.But please understand I have been fighting every day for the last 30months. But I believe I am here today because y'all's  thoughtful words and encouraging prayers! Because of all of you I am here today...I may be burned and scarred but I have never felt so complete on the inside. Each day I wake up I am thankful for the opportunity to be on this planet one more day. And I am so blessed to be able to have just even one more minute with my family.


**I love you mom! Your entries in the journal really moved me. I could feel the pain you were feeling as you scribbled that ink on those beautiful pages. You never gave up on me...not one time did you jot a word of doubt. I am so thankful God gave me back to you and that I have gotten to bond with you on a level I never knew was possible. You take exceptional care of me...literally inside and out. I love you with my entire being and  know that you saved my life countless times during  this road to recovery. But everything has been worth the fight...thank you Mama I love you!