Day 24

Jen has been awake I guess since last night. Today she has been awake. She is in alot of pain. She is waking up and beginning to realize something is going on. she is probably scared, and confused. They have both her arms tied to the bed so she won't pull anything out and also so she won't hurt her left arm any worse than it is. They didn't think she would be able to lift her left arm without therapy, boy were they wrong. She is putting both arms above her head until the restraints are pulled tight. She is in alot of pain. She is trying to open her mouth to scream. and she is crying. It was alot easier to see her body in bad shape and her asleep, then it is to see her body doing alot better and her awake and hurting. They upped her pain medicine from 5 to 8 whatever that means. They say there is a stronger medicine but they need a Dr's approval. I say what are they waiting for. They have had her off the ventilator since this morning, and I'm sure her stomach muscles are really hurting from all that extra effort to breathe. I don't even feel like I'm helping to be there. I want to talk to her, but I know If i was in that situation I would be thinking get the heck away from me and just be concentrating on something other than pain. She has been in there 24 days without actually eating real food. Of course they have that feeding tube in her But that's really not food. She has lost alot of weight on her body. I know she needs to be awake and breathing on her own but she also does not need to be hurting like this. And I feel more helpless than ever. She is aware of people and their voices. She will look at you but for the most part she is just in pain and you can tell she is concentrating on that. She did squeeze her dads hand when he asked today. I am not sure I can go back in there until she is hurting a little less. I can't cry in front of her now BC she will know. And I can't talk to her BC I don't know what to say, and I don't know if I'm bothering her or not. She was supposed to have a surgery today where they just go in and drain the fluid that's in her belly and clean it...but a gang shooting and stabbing came in that bumped her down. It's 730 and she still hasn't gone into surgery. I wish she would because then she would be sedated for a while and not feel anything. I'm sure with her moving that arm above her head doesn't help her either. Anyways just wanted to give an update and vent a little. So she is awake but in no way shape or form is she OK enough to have visitors. I know that sucks but she is so irritated right now. And with alot of people coming in and out it wouldn't be good for her. Plus she still has a little of that infection that is bad for anyone to get.