rough day

We just got to the hospital not to long ago. Jennys fever last night was high and they couldn't get it nor her blood pressure to come down. They are both down now. I went back there so excited to see her because she opened her eyes yesterday. I can not go back there again. Her skin on her face is looking great. But her eyes are black. She is definitely awake. She is moving. You can tell by the face she is making she is in pain. I wish I was made of stone and could just sit by her and hold her hand as she comes to. I wish it didn't sting my body everytime she squirmed. I haven't had a worse day up here than this. I am so glad she is going to get through this but seeing her in this pain is killing me. I have been here for her every step of the way but I don't know how to be there for her now. I am not made of stone and right now all I can do is cry. I can't even stay by her side. I am tired of wiping tears from my eyes. I am tired of hospital food. I am tired of seeing people I love in so much pain, emotionaly and physically. Now I am just angry. Angry this happened to my family, angry its this bad, angry about it all. I just want to walk in that room scoop he up take her home and let her sleep in her own bed. Just let her sleep all this off and just wake up better. I am searching for answers that noone has the answers to. Does anyone know how frustrating that is. This isn't fair. Why couldn't this have happened to some child melester killer or murderer? There are so many people in this world that deserves punishment like this, yet it is happening to my family! I am sick to my stomach, moody, stressed, tired, and drained. I don't know if I have any more fight left in me I just want to turn over and sleep until I wake up from this dream!!!